It’s about time that I take a moment and update all my readers, rebloggers, and bloggers! Life has been great and full of extravagant activities! I’m more than happy with how God has chosen to use me on campus, and in the lives of people all over the bay area. Despite the happy moments, I still have my sad moments; situations that put me on edge and God speaking to me through dreams and people on issues within myself that I need to rectify.
Can I brag on my Lord? I was able to pray for my professors’ kid whose leg was sprained and he received healing on the spot. I was able to pray for the dean’s father who was mute for over 6 years and he started speaking that night. A girl invited me to the hospital to pray for her mom who HAD cancer and a few days later the doctors couldn’t find the caner anymore. I’m so excited for how God is working and showing up in the most unexpected place. My level of expectancy for God to show up is out this world.
Alongside being used to show God to the world I’ve been hit with some emotional issues. I feel as if though people are able to relate to my situations one way or another. Instead of speaking on the open wounds that I’m trying to let heal I want to share what I’ve learned and to give people insight on how to live out who you are and to walk into your calling and destiny. I will be brutally honest here so please, I apologize in advanced if you take any offense to what I might mention.
I find it very hard to forgive people, in fact sometimes when I do I still hold grudges somehow. My pastor told me recently “There’s a time you decide to either be a boy or be a man.” When he said that I wanted to just sit down and just ponder on that statement. In life there’s a time where being a kid is no longer an option. From a boy to a man; from a girl to a woman.
Can I Be Honest? I try and be superman and pretend to myself that I can do a million things in one day but the reality is that I can’t. It puts me in a position where I start to make promises I can’t fulfill. The bible tells that that a good name is better than riches. My Integrity is all people will have when I die. One thing about being mature is to only say things that you mean.
One way to know you’ve grown from a boy to a man, or a girl to a woman is to look within. Who were you a year ago? Who are you now? Are you still the person that doesn’t know what he wants? Do you still play games? Are you still living it up party hoping each weekend instead of taking care of your priorities? Do you still run from issues or do you face them? Do you prefer attention over respect?
I’ve noticed that surrounding myself with people who are wiser and people who are who like-minded have helped me grow so much. I’ve become a better person and I’ve learned to self reflect a lot.
I took a while away from blogging because when I blog I want you to be able to walk away with something that will have you thinking. Not just the blogging about what I was going through without a way out of my mind!
Let me end this blog here and say these last thoughts. Love God. Fight for what you believe in and that God will bless. Don’t chase satisfaction that will only last a moment because your moment of satisfaction is not worth eternity. Love hard and not on the surface. Get deep down in the dirt because if your loving doesn’t hurt, then you are not loving at all. Communicate your mind with those close to you instead of staying silent. A lot of people when disappointed or mad, often pout, scream, or give the silent treatment and much more. Lastly, mean what you say, and say what you mean.
Remember when we were younger, someone would say something and we’d respond with “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me,” remember? It’s so crazy to think years later here we are seeing how powerful and strong words can actually be.
Same weapon you affect me with I used to recite this // That’s my word, it’s so ironic // How these phonics are made of frequency waves that can stir // Oceans of emotions and invoke them old things // I need composure just to compose them
Lately, its the deeps words, said or unsaid that have been crashing into me like crazy. Sometimes you wonder how do people even fix it in themselves to say things that could do so much damage. I had someone real close to me tell me that he doesn’t want me at his wedding after being told I was the best man! How do you even start to deal with that? And then sometimes, it’s not even about what people say it’s about what they didn’t.
It isn’t even really what you said, it’s what you didn’t // You spoke silence, you just go and stay quiet like I ain’t existing // And I ain’t even got it inside me to give forgiveness //
How easier would it be to forgive people if they would just own up and apologize? Psychology taught me that naturally we like to make up excuses after being accused of something. But what if we were to take pride out the equation and just say SORRY? You might not think it’s a big deal but sometimes what you don’t say can have someone still bleeding.
What was so minor to you was so major to me
And all I wait for is words like “sorry”, “forgive me”
Humbling yourself could help extract anger, hurt, and unforgiven attitudes. Pride kills faster than guns. Don’t let pride stop you from saying what you have to say or stopping yourself from saying hurtful comments out of spiked emotions in the moment.
People say, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d loose it.
Don’t you just hate when you are compared to someone, or a group of people? If I was like those people, I wouldn’t have been where I am now. Like I’ll literally sit there and say “Compare me to them after I fail or give up, but not now, I’m still going.”
Do not compare me to anyone, because there is only one me. I am the original, the only one there will ever be. God has given me more fight than who you are trying to compare me to.
My question for the day will be, How do you feel when you’re compared to other people?
LOL, I remember when I was younger my parent at some point would say “IDK why you can’t be like Akeem” HAHAH. I would just laugh like, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HALF OF THAT GUY!
Don’t compare people because ultimately you limit the abilities of that person in your view because you’re waiting for them to fail. Psychology teaches us that if you say something about someone, you’ll eventually see it. Let me give you an example: Ashley keeps telling herself that her boyfriend doesn’t care and he is cheating. At this point all she will be focused on is how much he doesn’t care when in reality he is probably doing so much for her; and maybe reading more into situations than she really should. Comparing people can take a real toll and damage you as a person more than it hurts the person. I’ve learned this within friendships, family, and in my romantic relationship. Accepting people for who they are is the best way to go about life.
Insecurities and wanting to be accepted or wanting to be looked as "He has it all" will make you do crazy things. For me, I lied. I lied a lot. I wrote checks my pockets couldn’t not just cash, but even comprehend. I destroyed my integrity before I even knew what it was. I was so hungry and thirsty for attention and wanting people to like me that I would make up stories and lie about situations so much. I lied so much it started to become who I was and I even started to believe my own lies. I got to a point in my life that lying felt comfortable and natural.
Each day, we make the same choice hundreds of times: whether to lie or tell the truth. It often happens without thinking, and we ignore the profound impact of these seemingly inconsequential decisions. Even the smallest lies can cost you money, impact your relationships, and affect your choices.
Thinking of how nostalgic I was when it came to telling lies actually scare me. I think back and ask myself, why did I lie so much. About how much money I had, or even about events or where I was that past weekend. Even lied about who I really was outside of peoples presence. I guess what still hurts and affects me today is that, people who you would think would see the change in you after a long period of time are the people who still doubt you.
Isn’t it nice to know that "no weapon formed or fashioned against you will prosper." One thing my father always taught me is that, these weapons against will be made, they will try, and they won’t give up; but they wont PROSPER; they won’t succeed against me. My past with lying has tried again and again to haunt me, create doubt in people about me, or destroy relationships that I have with people. Thank God for my group of friends I have now who can see me for who I am now. And My long term Best friends who have seen me in those seasons and where I am now.
You can hurt me with the truth, but please don’t comfort me with your lies
There are people who still identify me now with the old person I used to be, and thats fine, I count it as their lost and their lack of vision to see past what they think they know. Yes, I said it. What they THINK they know. Some people just think they know me but have no clue of who I am.
I just don’t want to seem like I’m venting I have a purpose for this blog. A wise man once said, “It’s human to make mistakes and some of us are more human than others.” There’s no excuse to make for lying because the truth is you are probably afraid to own up to the truth. I know I was.
Most importantly, we all have a past. Mines just happens to be about lying. Which one of us are grown enough to admit that we have all made mistakes in the past? In life, as friends and significant others we are meant to judge people but my encouragement is to not judge people on their past. It’s annoying and hurts when people still judge me for who I used to be and not who I am now; but then again, their lost.
Losers live in the past. Winners learn from the past and enjoy working in the present toward the future.
SS – You can say this is You’re The One Part 2 hahaha… One thing I always notice about my father is that he is always appreciating my mother and my mother has his unending attention. Also being able to watch my older brother MikeyP grow in his love for his wife Monnique, she always has Mikey’s attention. Even when I’m riding around with Mikey, when Mo calls he wants complete silence haha.
“You’re my delicate flower, I will protect you// Elegance is real, stands out, it’s so true // Love is Brave, It flies in the face of fear// No fear, we can take off in the air//”.
To love is a brave step and I really wanted to give couples something clean and inspiring to listen to and to be encouraged with.
Fight For Love Feat. DRoyal
SS – The reality of life is that we go through heart breaks. Not necessarily in relationships but even family members, friends, they all break our hearts at some point. Truth is when you genuinely love someone you will have to fight for that love. Jesus died on a cross knowing you might not ever love him back. When you can love like that you’ve reached the peaked of unconditional love. I’ve lost friends because I loved them enough to tell them the truth. I went through a moment in my life recently when I had the chance to walk away or fight and I choose to fight.